I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I fill condoms, not promises.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
