Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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