And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Randomize
