Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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