don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
