He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
