I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
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