so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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