Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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