Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I wanna passion pit in your ass
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
