I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
