Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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