Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
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