how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Randomize
