I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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