call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
