Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
