Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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