If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
