he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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