with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
