I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Randomize
