READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
