"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
