Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
