Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
