the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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