too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
