Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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