Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
