your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
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