I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
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