My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
