i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
