Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
