Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
