just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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