i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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