Even the bartender felt bad for me
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
50% drunk capacity currently
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Randomize
