Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
