I'd wear matching sweaters with you
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Randomize
