laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
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