38 yer olds are good kisserssss
We got so high we made milksteak
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Randomize
