One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
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