wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Randomize
