allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
