everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
