Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
