i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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