He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
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