My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
