I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
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